To crave someone that might not come back is quite possibly the worst pain I’ve ever felt.
I still remember our first kiss.
I swear I want to hate you. I want to hate you for not fighting for me. I want to hate you for telling me that you don’t love me anymore. I want to hate you for the bad memories and the times you yelled at me for no reason other than the fact that it was me. I want to hate you for not giving me the chance that I deserve and for telling me you’d try for us, and then not try at all.
I swear I want to hate you, but I’m not that kind of person. I’m this foolish kid who loves you and will always love you. I don’t hate someone for leaving, I hate myself for losing them. I dont hate someone for not loving me, I hate myself for not being good enough I’m a mess and I wouldn’t blame anyone for running away from me when they have the chance. I just hate it, I hate that you’re all I think of and you go on in your life like I was never even a part of it.
fuck you for not fighting for me (via loveblx)
I want no title, I don’t need you to claim me with an “I’m hers and she’s mine.” I want no title, I don’t need a facebook status change or a “I’m Taken” claim on instagram. I want no title, I need no claim, I just want you. I don’t need hand holding or ass grabbing in public. Or bragging rights to all your friends that we’re back together. All I want and all I need is to lay in the comfort of our home and know that I am where I belong. I want the look in your eyes that whispers, “I love you.” I want the let’s go to dinner with my friends and we don’t have to explain a damn thing to them; they’ll just know that we are for once fighting for something we believe in. I don’t need a ring or a forever infinite promise; I just need reassurance that this is what you want. That I am what you want. I don’t need a title, I don’t need a claim; I just need to know that I am your first pick because if you’re second guessing that I could be someone special to you, then please leave now and save me the pain. I don’t need a title, I swear I don’t need a claim. I just need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you see this going somewhere, that you like what we have, that your heart flutters when you see me walk into a room. I need to know that laying in bed with me doesn’t feel like a sin, that it doesn’t just mean a night of lust. I want no title, I don’t need a claim. I swear I just need you to look me in the eye and tell me that this is what you need, that a life without me would ache you, that a life without me would haunt you. Tell me that you still love him, and I swear I’ll walk away because I cannot keep being your second choice, your maybe, or your backup plan. I love you more than the air that lives in my lungs. I love you more than the blood that pumps through my heart. I love you more than the thoughts in my brain. So please spare me the pain because if you see a life without me, then there’s no reason to sit along your side fighting for these what ifs and maybes.